Inside Parkinson's

Do the non-motor symptoms drive you crazy?  That’s the stage I’m in right now.  If my toes aren’t bothering me, then I have too much saliva.  If that doesn’t bother me then I’m not sleeping, and that bothers me.  It seems like I get one thing settled down and another one starts.  I just want to be free of this disease.  It’s excruciating and painful.  At the same time, my tremor is under control. My tremor rarely bothers me.

Symptom after symptom appears.  They are enough of a bother that I need to address them.  This makes my life full of addressing medical issues, daily. I did not sign up for this. I know, I know, there are others much worse than me.  I’m saying I want off the merry-go-round right now. Parkinson’s just sucks and I don’t want any part of it, anymore.  This is not a choice, I know.  So, how do I get around this?  How do I make it better? I want to scream and run away!  The only problem with running away is that my Parkinson’s will still be there.

I want someone or God or somebody to make this just go away.  It’s just not possible.  I’m having trouble facing the reality.  I don’t see a way to make this better.  Sure there are things I can do.  I can put toe spacers to help with my toes. I can exercise and take more medicine.  Sometimes the medicine causes me to get short of breath.  That’s crazy!  Sometimes the meds cause dyskinesia and make me sway.  I hate that!

I just have to realize that this is my reality and I cannot make it go away.  I know that I can work on relieving the symptoms, however, accepting this disease is a continual process.  I  find it difficult.   I have a great team of doctors who help me navigate my way through the multiple manifestations of Parkinson’s.  I just wish I could make it go away.