Inside Parkinson's

My body, my mind,
my thoughts, my desires,
all of these things
they all are mine.

My body, my mind,
my thoughts, my desires,
are they really,
really mine?

Who has control?
Who controls the mind?
Who makes the decisions?
Is it me or the mind?

I thought I had control
i could control the mind.
Now I discover
that was a lie.

I started reaching,
searching,
seeking,
looking,
who has the controls?

I found myself,
inside my body,
a new life exposed.

Living inside my body,
where I am the host,
i discovered  this body,
i could not call my own.  

My body betrayed me
it won’t behave.
My body made arrangements.
I did not agree.

Living inside my body,
i am the passenger
on a train going slow.
Where is it going?
No one can know.

Living inside my body,
i find a conductor
She sees the journey.
She decides where we will go.

Living inside my body,
I ask the conductor,
please stop the train.
i didn’t ask for this journey.
Please let me be plain.

Living inside my body,
the conductor shouts!
You are on the Journey
it will go where it goes!

I’m asking more questions.
What journey?
What destination?
I want to know.

The conductor replies,
the journey is yours.
The path is not drawn.
It cannot be known.

You are the guide.
You steer the body,
to the left or the right.

You do have a say.
You do have a part.

Then give me the map, 
if I am the guide!
I can steer us away,
from the things that fright.

The conductor shakes her head,
she cannot say.
There are many ways to travel.
No guide to be found.

If I am the guide,
show me the way.
To the left or the right?
What do you say?

The conductor insists,
No map exists.
No other guides.
No other show.

You have been given the wisdom,
you can be the guide.
You do have the knowledge,
to go down this slide.

Guide for today,
guide for tomorrow,
How will you be?
What will you know?

Your emotion.
Your thoughts.
Your decisions. 
Your mind.

They are yours, 
yours alone.
To be clear,
you decide.

You must be the guide.  
Direct the body you have.
Show compassion,
show  hope and love.  

Show how you want to live.
How you want to be.
Even though, 
you never agreed.

Show your guidance. 
Show how you will steer.
Through the storms and the mountains.
Through the shadows and sun.

Your guidance decides,
and directs the mind.
Your guidance steers,
your thoughts and the soul.

Don’t be shy.
Be direct.
Stand up straight and tall.

Tell the mind your decision.
How the journey will be.

Show the path and the light.
How to live In your body.
How to direct your soul.

Tell the mind how to walk,
through this journey
to the far and away.

Tell the body,
the one you now live in,
how it will be.  

You have seen your journey,
and the path you were given. 
You can walk through the quicksand 
with your head held high.

You have strength, determination,
to walk this path with joy.
Even though this tumultuous trail 
was not your choice.

You will find, 
you can live your life.
You can make it full.
You will make the difference.
How you travel this road.



Cheryl Wirtley 2/19/2021